Markiplier Returns – Optimism in the Midst of Loss
On October 5th, 2015 Mark Fischbach, aka Markiplier, posted the video above to let his fans know that having taken the time he needed to come to terms with the loss of his friend, Daniel Kyre, he is now ready to return to YouTube. Slowly at first, but I think that’s to be expected. He expressed sincere gratitude to his community for the waves of support they’d given him while he stepped away from his channel, and in return, the vast majority of commenters expressed sympathy, understanding, and above all, happiness that the King of the Squirrels, while still feeling the pain, will be OK.
I’ve made no secret of my admiration of everything Markiplier has accomplished, and readily admit that I credit him for my starting my own channel, this website, and the XRP Crew. But it wasn’t just pure entertainment that made me a fan. The timing of my discovery of Markiplier is a major part of why his channel is so important to me. I talk about this in my 5 Weird Things About Me Vlog, but the first time I found him was during what is to date the worst bout of anxiety and depression I’ve ever faced. For literally months I was dealing with feelings of loss, failure, anger, regret, and so many negative emotions wrapped in a tight little ball that I just couldn’t get a handle on it.
Without dragging out all the little details, I felt I’d wasted everything; time, talent, ambition, and even my health, all in the name of doing what everyone says a responsible adult is supposed to do, instead of taking a chance on what my gut was telling me the right choice was. Because of this, I was so angry at myself, I couldn’t take it. And, even though this is hard to admit, I’d reached a point where I just wanted to die, rather than try and unravel this tangled mess I’d created.
In a small, but very meaningful way, finding Markiplier helped me through that time. Some small spark I can’t explain was ignited that gave me just enough room to breath. It wasn’t an end to my pain, but it was a start.
I suppose this is why news of Daniel’s death hit me so hard. Losing someone who has decided that, for whatever reason, life was just too painful brings a different kind of grief. It often leaves so many unanswered questions, and it’s tempting to want, sometimes need, to solve the mystery before you can move on. However, that’s not always possible. Much to my relief, Mark has expressed the desire to forego focusing on the circumstances of Daniels death, and instead celebrate the life he lived, his passion, and the impact he made in the lives of those that knew him.
I can’t think of a better way to remember such a good friend.
Moving on doesn’t mean you have to let go. Sometimes, it means holding on, and realizing that even if someone isn’t with us anymore that they can still be part of us. They can still bring us joy. They can still inspire us.
And so, perhaps by sharing what is to date the saddest chapter in his YouTube career, Markiplier is still helping to make lives better by showing everyone that even in the worst of times, you can find a reason to hope, to aspire, to press forward. Godspeed, Mark. Godspeed.
Markiplier has set up a GoFundMe campaign to help the family of Daniel Kyre during their time of need. If you feel moved to contribute, you can find the campaign HERE.
And if by chance someone reading this blog is having thoughts of suicide, I can only ask that you please reach out to someone. Friends, family, clergy, medical professionals, etc. It doesn’t matter who, the important thing is to reach out to someone and admit what you’re feeling inside.
I know, sometimes that thought is paralyzing. I felt that way too. I was so afraid of what would happen if I let anyone see just how damaged I’d become. I couldn’t imagine anyone seeing that and still wanting me in their life. I thought it best to just remove myself from the equation. Spare everyone the hassle of the mess I’d created.
I was wrong. So very wrong.
And so are you. Maybe you don’t see it that way. Maybe you can’t. But trust me, I wouldn’t be sitting here, typing these words, stirring up the pain I hope to never experience again if I didn’t believe it with every fiber of my being. You. Matter.
If you don’t know where to turn to for help, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a good place to start. That first step is a doozy, but trust me, it gets easier, little by little.
For everyone else, I encourage you to let the people who make a difference in your life know how much they mean to you. None of us are promised tomorrow, so don’t leave anything unsaid. Appreciate one another. Inspire one another. Love one another.
Until next time,